


What now?

by Maremoto8



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-12-12 02:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11727159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maremoto8/pseuds/Maremoto8
Summary: Set at Adena’s house. Some more of their last conversation in episode 1x05 and we’ll go from there. ‘Cause we need more Kat & Adena. Way more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hola!  
> I'm not an english speaker, so excuse my language mistakes!  
> I've been reading fanfics for a long time, but never found the pull in me to write one myself. 'Till Kat & Adena arrive, that is. I cannot have enough of them. So, here it is my part to fill the void and, hopefully, give back some of the joy I've had reading many of you!  
> Enjoy it! Comments are very appreciated.  
> Pasen y lean...

I had to leave. I could feel my anguish starting to kick in. She was flying to Paris. Tonight, no less. To her girlfriend. Her girlfriend. I had to leave, I wanted to leave…

But I couldn’t. My feet were glued to the floor. My eyes were glued to her eyes. Reality sinking in. So many things we were silently telling each other… “Don’t go. Please, do not go. Don’t do it. I’m here” - “I’m sorry. I thought you had backed out. I was scared of losing you both, of getting nothing out of this mess…”

I felt my tears coming out. I didn’t want to cry. Not in front of her. Not at all. This is why I didn’t do relationships. Kat, come on! You knew this. No, better, you know this is what happens when you open up to another person. 

I looked down and closed my eyes, incapable of holding her gaze anymore. I let some air out of my lungs, through my lips. Rubbed my face with my hands, wiped those little tears that were forming. 

“Ok… I’m gonna go”, I said. 

“Don’t”, she answered quickly. 

“Why not? What else do you want me to do?” I retorted. 

“Kat, listen, don’t get angry at me now. You told me you couldn’t do this and to get back with my girlfriend! So, that’s what I’m doing! “, she was getting angry too. 

“I know what I said! I was scared!”, I practically yelled. “I am scared. Right now. And also embarrassed… Now, I am scared and making a fool out of myself” I added. “It’s… It’s just great” I sighed. 

“You are not making a fool out of yourself, Kat.” She came a little bit closer. Her gaze was softer. “I just wished you had said this earlier. I wished I knew you wanted this, too.”

Oh, come on! She had to have known that! I had it all written in my face every time I looked at her, hadn’t I? The puppy eyes… The you-are-the-only-person-who-throws-me-out-of-my-game confession… The kisses… The excuses to see her… 

I raised my shoulders and looked straight at her again. “Adena, come on, you knew it. I’ve already said it. In multiple forms. Plus, you have seen it unravel in front of you. And, more importantly, you have felt it. You have felt my part and you have felt your part too. Don’t play that card with me.” My face was showing my annoyance. I crossed my arms in my chest. 

Now she was the one looking to the floor. When she looked up again, I saw her sadness and guilt and some of my bravado flicker… She was struggling as well. I could see she felt responsible for Coco as much as she felt responsible for me. She was in a difficult spot. 

“Talk to me”, I added in a quiet voice. 

She made a little smile while putting her hand on her hip and looking at me sideways. “Now you wanna talk…”

I chuckled… She half laughed. Some less tension. Some smiles more. She gestured to the near sofa in the middle of the living room and we sat down. I wanted to wait for her to speak first, but I just couldn’t stand the silence anymore. 

“Do you wanna be with her?” I blurted. 

Her head went up. She was not expecting that question. I was not expecting to say it out loud, either. Kat Edison, full of surprises, you know… Especially when she is nervous. Especially when she is not used to be nervous in this one to one situations. Especially when she is pending from a cliff… A very high and very dangerous cliff. 

“Kat, it is complicated. There are a lot of…”

“I know it’s complicated”, I interrupted her. “But just answer me” I almost pleaded, almost demanded. 

She kept her gaze to me. We were not moving, not even breathing. 

She started breathing first. “I… Kat… You need to underst… I just… I don’t know what I want”, she finally said and, after some seconds, she looked away. She seemed pissed and conflicted. 

“Ok…” What else could I say? 

“Ok?” came her surprised answer. 

“Yeah, ok… You don’t know what you want… And that’s ok, I guess. I do understand. You guys have been together for a long time. And this thing between you and me is brand new… And to top all that, I back up in the less appropriate moment, I know, for which I’m so sorry, like I said when I came in…” Kat, Kat! What are you doing? Stop babbling! Get back on track, girl!

Shaking my head from side to side, I continued. “Anyway, you are confused. And that’s ok. But at least now you know what I want.” She was following attentively every one of my words. I continued, moving my hands while speaking as to have some kind of leverage that would help me get out everything I had inside. “I want you, Adena. That’s… That’s all I can say. And I’m certain of it. Trust me. Scared and shaky and all… But you are all I can think or feel these days… All I can think or feel. Day and night. Asleep or awake. And, yes, it’s making me crazy and yes it’s making me do crazy things too, ‘cause although these feelings for you are so powerful and beautiful, they are also so new and uncontrolled and overwhelming. And I’m not used to that. I didn’t like that. Before…” 

I looked to my side to see her face. She had her eyes focused, her mouth a little bit open, her hands clasped, her elbows on her knees, her body bended to me, I had all her attention… Ok, Kat, go for it! 

“But, fuck it, this is it. I don’t know about you, but I physically want you. I need to touch you, like right now. It’s like my skin aches, Adena!” A little laugh escaped my throat. I couldn’t believe what I was saying! Didn’t know where this strength and calm was coming from either but, hey, it was totally welcomed. Sutton and Jane would be very proud of my emotional maturity, for sure. 

“I want you too, Kat. Bu…” She started to say. 

“No, no buts, please.” I interrupted her again, moving my head from side to side and frowning. “No buts, Adena” I finished emphatically. 

“Ok, ok, you are right.” 

She stretched her back and opened her arms. She breathed. Took a moment to herself, before telling me “I don’t want this stiffness between us. I feel this pull too, Kat.” She smiled that soft smile of hers. “How could I not?” she continued. “It’s like iron to metal, you and me. So strong… As strong as my guilt, I’m afraid. I don’t want to continue like this.” 

“So, what are we going to do?” I sighed. 

“I am gonna go to Paris. I need to go, Kat. I need to clear my head, I need to see Coco, we need to talk… I think I need a time for myself as well, after whatever happens”, Adena explained. 

It felt… right and wrong at the same time. “That’s going to take some time…” I stated, not even asking. 

And Adena nod… “Yeah, it is…” 

Silence was enveloping all the room. Each one of us deep in thought, everything so still, so quiet... Some minutes passed and I was starting to feel like a hole was being opened between us, until she said “I’d love to kiss you…”  
My hands covered my face in a flash. “Don’t tell me that, Adena!” I begged. No hole anymore, apparently. “I know, I know… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said that…” she quickly added with her raspy voice. “Can I text you, though?” She asked.  
“Don’t know if that’s a good idea…” I started. “But I don’t think I’d be able not to text you myself” I sighed. 

She looked at me, right at me, and added “Yeah, me neither.”


	2. A conversation in the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Adena is away in Paris, Kat is struggling with the distance and the situation.

“You know, you were already glued to your phone before, but this is too much”, Jane said.

“What?! I’m just checking if there are any messages…”

“Adena’s messages, you mean”, Sutton added.

Kat sighed and switched her phone off. She knew her friends were right. But she just couldn’t help it. Several weeks have passed since Adena left for Paris and she could not calm herself. She was in a vigilant state permanently, not wanting to miss a single opportunity of communicating with her. And, by the way, that is not an easy task to do when you have so many hours of difference between both countries…

“Kat, are you alright?”, Sutton softly took her out of her mind.

“Yeah… I think so… I just missed her a lot”.

“How are things between you two”, Jane asked sitting on the bench by her side. This was a perfect breeze and sunny park day.

“Things are… ok, I guess. We send photos to each other, talk and chat whenever we can… We share our days, our emotions even, but…”, Kat drifted.

“But, what?”, Sutton asked.

“But there were gonna be no buts”, Kat answered standing up from the bench. She needed some space…

“How do you mean?”, Jane’s brow furrowed.

Some seconds passed before Kat turned, lifted her eyes from her hands and looked at her friends.

“I mean, I’m always happy when I see her… And she looks happy too. But lately she also looks sad. She tries for me not to see it but, you know, it’s right there in her eyes, in the volume of her voice, in the moments she gets quiet and distant and melancholic.”

“And what do you do, in moments like those?”, Jane asked.

“I try to cheer her up, try to make her laugh… Used to be good with that, but lately, not so much, I’d say”, Kat mumbled.

Sutton touched her hand and told her: “Lately you are not so happy, Kat...”

She took a deep breath… She kind of knew that. Kind of. A little.

The distance, the wanting, the communication difficulties. The things unsaid. The uncertainties. The ghosts surrounding them both. Coco's presence floating in the air.

“Yeah, this is… is just… difficult... And, also... maybe not enough, I guess”, Kat looked defeated. Face serious. Jane and Sutton shared a look, but before any of them could speak, Kat continued.

“’Cause, what are we, now? Platonically involved friends? Who will see each other when? And in what circumstances? I don’t wanna be “the other”. Not this time. Not with Adena”.

“But, Kat, what do you really want? She went to fix things with her girlfriend. What did you expect? That takes time. And whatever happens, the aftermath of that also takes time”, Jane, as direct as always…

“I thought… That she… That maybe… Aaaaggg… I don’t know what I expected to happen, ok?”, Kat was getting exasperated.

“Are you sure you don’t know?”, Sutton tried with a calm voice.

“Ok, ok… You’re right!” She turned to Jane and added “What did I want? What do I want now? I'll tell you! For them to FINALLY split up and for Adena to return here!

There, I said it”, Kat crossed her arms annoyed.

“And they are not doing that? Splitting up, I mean”, Sutton continued.

Kat paced around moving her arms while saying: “How could I know? She doesn’t mention Coco. Like, at all! I obviously don’t see her around Adena, ‘cause she doesn’t call me when she is with her. I don’t think things are great with them, but I’d say they are still together”.

“You’d say? Didn’t ask her in all this time?”

“No, Jane, I didn’t”, Kat looked defiant for several seconds. And then, “I didn’t, ok?”, she added more quietly and sat down again with a sigh.

“Maybe you could? One of these days? Without pressure, girl”, Sutton was always supportive.

“Yeah… I could… I ‘m just scared of what her answer is going to be”, she finally admitted looking to them.

“Yeah…”, was both her friends’ answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, another chapter!  
> Hope it doesn't take me as much time for next one. Summer in Spain is looong and far away from computers, you know... Now I'm starting to get the speed again.  
> Would love to hear from you all! Take care.


End file.
